My husband and I had a profound awakening today. Scrolling through Facebook, as I normally do to kill some time, I came across a site that will post random, thoughts or comments on one subject matter. The subject matter changes but this one happened to be pertaining to kids commenting about their experience as a foster child, having never been adopted and aging out of the foster care system. I read these aloud and it struck both of us like a bullet.
Here are just some quick snapshots (unfortunately, no names or identifying information was provided so I am unable to cite the source):
1. “I grew up in an orphanage and I’m just going to put out there that I’ve felt unwanted all my life and have two failed suicide attempts. I wish I hadn’t been born.” – Unknown
2. I grew up in an orphanage. It was horrible. I work at 3 different jobs to afford life. I didn’t have any good education and I was abused. Abortion would have been less cruel.” – Unknown
3. “I aged out of foster care. Horrifically abusive foster care. You have no idea. I’m telling you, some things are worse than death. Putting a baby in the hands of foster care is worse than abortion.” – Unknown
4. “I wanted parents since before I was two. I am 18 now and just aged out of foster care … parents are a gift even if they are annoying.” – Unknown
5. “Being an aged out foster care kid isn’t easy, that’s for sure. You often are homeless and scared to trust people who want to help you. You don’t know if they really mean it.” – Unknown
6. “It’s holiday season again, since I aged out of foster care, it’s always been just myself and I, lonely holidays. Birthday is coming up this month and I have no one, just like every other year.” – Unknown
7. “I was placed for adoption when I was born, bounced around until I aged out of the system at 18. 18 years of abuse, 178 foster homes. Be thankful for your parents.” – Unknown
8. Hate that I aged out of the foster care system. No family. No support financially … with my education and life choices. I only have myself.” – Unknown
This is so sad. So many people (us included), if they choose to adopt, want babies. There is so much demand for babies, that the chances of you actually getting one are slim. Yet, there are so many children that are not babies but not yet 18 years old, that have no place to call home and no family to call their own.
Per the National Foster Youth Institute (NFYI), more than 250,000 children are placed into the foster care system in the United States every year. Here are some additional staggering numbers, per the NFYI, as of May 2017:
1. More than 23,000 children will age out of the US foster care system every year.
2. In the U.S., 397,122 children are living without permanent families in the foster care system.
3. 32% of the children who are eligible for adoption from foster care must wait at least 3 years before they will be adopted.
4. After reaching the age of 18, 20% of the children who were in foster care will be come instantly homeless.
5. There is less than a 3% chance for children who have aged out of foster care to earn a college degree at any point in their life.
6. Tens of thousands of children in the foster care system were taken away from their parents after extreme abuse.
7. In 2015, more than 20,000 young people – whom states failed to reunite with their families or place in permanent homes.
Speaking for myself, I have spent so much time crying over the fact that I am not able to conceive my own child, and then when realizing how much we want to adopt, I have spent so much time complaining how hard it is to adopt a baby. Yes, I would still love a baby. But there are so many children out there that need a forever home and family. We would love to be that family.
It is heart breaking to read stories like that, coming straight from people that have been through the system. We are in the midst of the process of going through adoption through the state right now. We had chosen to go through a private group, again mostly because you have a better chance of getting a baby. But we have decided against that at this time, for multiple other reasons. That was before the profound awakening today.
My hopes as we complete the process to become parents, is that we are placed with children that need us as much as we need them. We would love to have more than one and save as many beautiful souls as we can.
Oddly enough, things like what we have read today make me wonder if this is the reason I am not able to conceive my own. Maybe I am truly meant to be a mother, but not to my own flesh and blood. It would still be nice to have one of my own flesh and blood. Regardless, no child in our home would ever be treated differently just because they did not come from my womb. We both come from homes with at least one of our birth parents that raised us, and I would like to think did a damn good job. However, we also know the importance of family, even if they are not your bloodline. There is so much more to family.
Maybe this is what my husband and I are meant to do. Please continue to give us positive prayers and thoughts as we go through this journey. I will do my part to try and remember this as well and try to keep a more positive outlook more often.
Until next time. ❤
Our Infertility Journey 